She Vowed
by Vain x Life Poetess
Summary: Anne of Cleves would vow to no man, no woman in this earth, she would make her own destiny. She would be happy. Before she is sent to England, one fateful conversation will mark her destiny.


**A/N: Thanks to Mimi, Becky, Hannah who inspired me with their writing and talent. I highly recommend Faith For Duty by MimiDubois; ****For England and The Other Margaret by Pebbles;** and Anne Boleyn trilogy and Love Eternal by Velocitygirl1980.

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"_The worst thing a mother can say to her daughter is she is distorted"_

_~Me_

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A long, long time ago in a kingdom far, far away there lived a Princess. And the Princess had everything she desired, if she desired for food, food would be brought for her. Cream cheese, potatoes, apples, water-melon the exotic foods from the new world, it was enough to feed an entire world.

But there was one thing the Princess desired most in the world and didn't have –love. But she never saw any need to include love when she was praying.

The Princess loved her father, she even loved her brother who always mocked her because she was weak and was a girl, she loved her sisters very much even if they never paid her any attention.

There was one thing that kept missing –love.

The years passed and her father got sickly but she never said the words "I love you" that she would come to regret for not saying them many years from now. Because he said that love was nothing but a weakness –"Something to keep the ship from thinking and help those in power stay in power".

"What really makes a man and a woman is not love is how far he can go in life" He said.

(In this case how far she can go in life.)

And she made an Oath to her father on his deathbed that no matter what she was going to go very far in life and make him proud. "I will be the most celebrated person in England"

But no matter how hard she prayed, how hard she worked to make him proud God did not answer her prayers.

When she looked at his serene face and up to the crucifix she silently asked God why would he deny her request? God did not answer her prayers again and so she stopped praying, she became cold and distant like her brother and mother but she saw that loneliness did not suit her. It made her sad and unfeeling so she stopped being angry and opted for praying again.

The crucifix of their castle disappeared, William wanted nothing to do with the old religion except when it had to do with selling her sisters off to the highest bidder because so far, the Catholic Princes in Europe were the highest bidder. William was a true Reformist but he was not stupid, he was first and foremost a businessman.

Her father would have disagreed but he was a fool, he tried making everyone happy. Even when he renounced the Catholic faith he still worshiped in the old religion because he never really believed in the Reformist cause.

One day when she pondered on all that had happened she hid behind a bush and started praying the way her father taught her, yet somehow (she could not explain how) her mother found out.

"Somehow she knew … somehow she knew …" She told her brother William.

He was sitting arrogantly poised in their father's throne or should she say their late father's throne.

He was now the "Great and mighty Duke of Cleves" He said. "I will take a new name. I will no longer belong to the house of my father, but a new house. A grander house. The house of Julie-Cleves-Berg."

He didn't even pay attention to what she said yet she continued to say: "She knew, somehow my mother knew where I was hiding."

Finally William's head perked up and his green eyes met dark brown.  
"Well of course she knew you stupid. How else could she not?" He said with an air of arrogance that it was impossible to shake. ("It is all about the good breeding" Her mother used to say. For her William was a god, nothing could ever be wrong with him. Anna on the other hand was the ugly child, the imperfect one). "She is mother, she is a tough woman. She is a fitting image of a Queen should our father been a King if he had defied the Empire as the other German states did." He spat the word 'father'.

"But I thought defying the Empire was bad William."

"Do. Not. Call. Me. William." He said firmly. "It is Your Grace. I am the Duke now."

"Yes"

"Yes what?"

"Yes. Your Grace."

Then she started telling him the tale again and again he didn't care and waved her off so she returned to the bushes, only this time she chose a different bush. One where her mother would never find her. Again she was wrong.

Her mother was angrier this time, because she was praying her harder. She grabbed her arm and pulled her out, her nails sunk deep into her soft pinky flesh.

"What are you doing you silly little girl?" She demanded.

"I am not silly Madame. I am going to be one day the Queen of England, my brother, His Grace" she instantly rephrased "is negotiating with the English ambassadors at this very moment." It was a lie but a very convincing lie, her mother sensed no deceit in her face.  
Incredibly she had learned to lie to William but her mask fell off at the moment her mother pressed harder on her arm.

"You silly girl you will be nothing"

"I will be mother. I will be." She vowed with great defiance. "I will be the most celebrated Queen of England. They say that Great Harry is still handsome and that he can still sire one more sons, maybe more-"

Her mother interrupted "Oh dear, dear, dear Anna. Please remember to finish your phrases correctly you look more like an idiot every time you do that."

"I am sorry Madame. But you do not know who you are speaking with. I am no longer Anna but Anne who will soon marry King Henry the Eight. Master Holbein has already painted our pictures and he says I am the fairest out of me and Amelia and says with absolute certainty that the King-"

"Yes, yes, yes, yes well Master Holbein does not know anything. He has not been in Germany for a long time besides just look at you!" She said waving her hair dismissively and laughing looking at her from top to bottom. "Look at the freckles. Look at that hair. Look at that dress! You really think that is going to cause an impression?" She said with more cynical laughter.

She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out of her mouth.

"Of course not" Her mother went on. "Do you know anything about King Henry? About England? English fashion dear, do you know anything about Henry the Eighth's family to start with?" She asked, she was enjoying every bit of making her daughter, the Princess' life miserable. A woman forged by fire and suffering, she hated to see even the slightest of the insignificant women who were beautiful or had a trait she admired or desired, happier than she. They said ugly women could not smile, could not love but the Duchess Dowager was anything but ugly, her face was heart shaped and lovely though her features were plain and through age she had grown plump but that did not stop her from laughing at those that were. It was her only defense through the harshness of her late husband's duchy and her own failure at being everything she wished to be.

Making Anna's life miserable was nectar to her, a music that she would sorely miss once her daughter was gone.

Her mocking laugh hurt Anna very deeply but she steeled her face. 'Soon I will go' she thought, 'and I will not have to put up with this'.

"No mother" she said calmly as she could "I do not know anything about England nor do I have to for is it not a wife's duty to provide her husband with heirs?"

"A wife's duty little idiot" Her mother spoke with greater vehemence. "is to provide heirs AND comfort in the marriage bed so her husband won't stray and go to his whores and from what I hear of your future husband you are going to need those skills very much. She needs to know about politics and ruling a kingdom. If not then she is nothing but a broodmare. But then again it is the way your father raised you."

The Princess said nothing so her mother continued.

"You were always his favorite because you looked like a milksop! You look just like his mother. Big. Fat. Ugly. It is too bad you did not inherit from my side of the family."

The Princess squeezed her fists, she wanted nothing more than to cry but she learned long ago tears didn't solve anything.

"We breed winners there but no, they had to marry me to your father. The only good think your father ever did was dying and give me a son. A son who is willing to do what is needed to keep this kingdom. If it were not for William sitting in the throne right now, we would have lost Cleves to the Empire a long time ago. But what would you know about politics? You only know about knitting, braiding your hair, gossip. That is the only thing you know you stupid girl."

"Stop calling me stupid!" The Princess demanded, finally her patience was thinning. "I am not stupid. I know I am not stupid!" She said with a broken voice, her tears falling. "I am very intelligent. It is true I do not know a lot about books, about life but I can think. I am smart I know I am."

"Dear, dear you are nothing but a distorted version of what I wish our enemies' daughters would be." Her mother said with deep hatred that it would end up consuming her one day. The Princess' mother did not know that she was digging her early grave. "A shame that you had better luck than Amelia. Master Holbein took too much liberties with your portrait. Amelia would have been a greater queen than you." Then she added as she spun around to leave "But then again I am not surprised, nature gives us abominations once in a while. Distorted." She spat the last word, a word that would be in her heard forever.

She was distorted, she was a freak.

Then something sparked in her that moment as well, her mother would not know until she was rotting six feet under, her worms eating her flesh and suffering eternal damnation from the flames of hell.

In that moment the Princess vowed that no matter what that she not going to vow to anybody, she was going to be Queen of England and if not, she was going to be a greater person. She vowed.


End file.
